Mitt Romney: A royal piece of shit

The problem with billionaires running for president is that they have no concept of the real problems facing this country. They can't even fathom how difficult it is to be poor and low-skilled because they literally swim in money and power. So they focus on issues they think are important to Americans and hope to Christ they hit it somewhere in the ballpark of relevancy. In Mitt Romney's case, the issues he decided to champion were fighting pornography and converting people to Christianity. More God and fewer breasts. Thanks for that, asshole.

Romney is a classic American Capitalist. He made his millions by investing in struggling companies, shitting on their workers until the companies turned a profit, and then selling them for excruciating amounts of money. All in all, not a bad strategy, except for the whole shitting on workers part. Of course, this is supposed to be the coveted, saintly role of the American entrepreneur -- cutting benefits to profitability until you've developed a proper sexual appetite, at which point you go home, have sex with your trophy wife in your Massachusetts mansion, and engorge yourself at a dinner table surrounded by 17 kids who will prolong your legacy. Meanwhile, the workers you've either put out of work or denied health insurance are left to decide whether it will be Kraft dinner or pain medication to bring a few moments of sweet relief from the back injury the company refused to fix.

And that's progress. That's our perfectly manufactured system. Don't let Romney fool you -- this is his REAL religion.

To make matters worse, this nation is so blind that when this same billionaire runs for president, an increasingly paranoid public and hopeless media spend an entire year analyzing whether a Mormon can lead the Free World, rather than investigating the fact that he is a slimy, money-grubbing, soulless shell of a human. In fact, when Romney looks into the camera with the hollow eyes of a man who would break his mother's spine if it meant a solid third quarter, the foam-mouthed conservatives are paralyzed by fear, which is just how they like it. The rest of us just see another political hyena, eager to feast on the decaying carcass of our broken political system. I would say our whole society is decaying, but I'm convinced there is some justice in the world because Romney ended up spending millions trying to convince people that he had a shred of humanity left, and nobody bought it. How heavy the tyrants fall.

In his concession speech, Romney cited the prevalence of pornography as a pressing issue of our time. Are you fucking kidding me? Pornography? Hey Mitt, here's a clue: Nobody fucking cares about pornography. We've got more troubling and immediate matters to worry about. I'm sorry you think that two consenting adults having sex in front of a camera is such an abomination and catalyst for the destruction of this nation, but let's face facts. Banning pornography isn't going to save the Dow Jones. It isn't going to feed the hungry, care for our neglected troops after they come back from Iraq with missing arms, or bring peace to the Middle East. It might, however, bring a guy a few minutes of simple, human pleasure before he works 16 hours at Wal-Mart for $3.00 an hour and no benefits because you lobbied for a lower minimum wage and convinced business executives that giving workers 35 hours a week so they don't get insurance is much better than having some fucking compassion. Now the guy has to work four jobs to pay off his nearly-foreclosed house, and he can't have sex with his wife because he's never home. So he watches a bit of pornography to take the edge off. And you want to take that away from him because you are sorry, empty piece of shit who thinks your prophet came to America on a submarine.

Let's face it Mitt -- you're so used to taking things away from people that you have no capability of giving anything back. And that's why you will never be president.