On being self-absorbed

A short moment for personal crap:

Lately I feel stuck when I try to write, like I have nothing interesting to say, or I have too much to say and my brain can't conceptualize it. Mostly I'm just too stressed out to care about anything past my own problems. It's a selfish self-absorption, a byproduct of following nearly impossible dreams and worrying endlessly about my place in the world. Often, the consequence plays out in my relationships, and thus I'm back to where I was a couple years ago: wondering what comes next. A little bit lonely. A little bit scared. Left with the overbearing feeling that I'm running out of time to get it right. My eyes are open, but I'm stumbling around in the dark.

Maybe the dark is where I'm most comfortable. It hurts when I hit a wall, but it's challenging and morbidly exciting. Boredom is more than a feeling for me; it's a significant detour to living my life. I want to fight boredom on all fronts, and maybe the unconscious way I do that is to force uncertainty on myself. Unfortunately, my hunger for adventure is often too single-minded. It's hard for me to share the hunger with others.

I would call this a momentary feeling of discord, but I'm reminded of something I wrote a few years back during a similar period. It sounds eerily familiar:

My life is always so dull when I'm comfortable. What I really need is a little chaos, agony, repression, emotional warfare. I think it invigorates my soul. I think it reminds me that I'm human and alive and capable of doing something besides this corporate, soul-eating office life.

So here I go again, taking another step into darkness. Also: Can anybody remind me how to, like, date?

@ Grassley: u r an asshole

One thing I've never understood about the American political system is how being elected president seems to automatically exclude you from the right to enjoy yourself ever again. Granted, some presidents have taken the idea of down time to the extreme, such as Bush's penchant for vacationing in Texas every time Cheney had a heart arrhythmia. But this obsession with Obama's extracurricular activities, and the notion that he shouldn't be able to leave the office long enough to show his wife a night on the town, is just getting ridiculous.

I mean, the man can't even have a fucking cheeseburger without Fox News concluding that his taste for mustard is anti-American. We've reached a sorry state of affairs when a major news network in America spends an entire week dissecting the president's choice of condiments.

Today, Chuck Grassley of Iowa bitched about Obama sightseeing in Paris during his trip to Europe. Grassley, who apparently doesn't speak the English language, had these things to say, via Twitter:

"Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us 'time to deliver' on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND."

"Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said 'time to delivr on healthcare' When you are a 'hammer' u think evrything is NAIL I'm no NAIL."

First of all: What the hell is he talking about? I can gather that he's angry about Obama inserting himself into the health care debate as Congress plods along on legislation, but the whole hammer/nail thing is escaping me. And whoever showed a 150-year-old Republican senator from Iowa how to use Twitter must be shot. Immediately.

Drudge also whined today about how Obama's wife and kids stayed in Paris for an extra day so they could shop, while Obama headed back to the White House. Well, holy shit. I can't believe the travesty. I can't believe the first family would want to shop in one of the world's most popular places to, uh, shop. The audacity is beyond words.