Thursday, May 1, 2008

Late night boredom: Cinema edition

Did anybody fucking understand the movie "I'm Not there"?

I understand the filmmaker's intention to progress the plot like some philosophically disjointed yet poetic hallucination similar to a Bob Dylan song, and I understand the all-star cast of incredible actors and the rave reviews and the greatness of independent cinema and blah blah blah. But seriously, what the hell? Not only did I find the movie incredibly boring, bloated and trite, but two hours of scratching my head only resulted in a gaping wound and blood gushing down my face.

Alas, my inner narrator wasn't too helpful during the movie: "Hey look, it's a folk singer, like, singing and stuff. Wow! Looks like we might actually see some character development. Sweet, he's talking! Hurray for dialogue! Oh fuck, it's another cut scene of somebody being interviewed (I think?). Oh cool, we're back to the folk singer again. More character development! But wait, it's another actor now? What? And he's black? Wasn't he a white dude like five minutes ago? Am I supposed to be high on something to understand this?"

Now if you want to talk about quality cinema, let me just throw this out there: "Teeth." Unfortunately, I can't tell you what the movie is about because you won't watch it. I'm afraid, for your sake, that you'll just have to let your morbid curiosity take over. Let that little voice in your head lead you to the video store, take "Teeth" off the shelf and put it in your DVD player. Don't look it up on the Internet, you cheaters! This is a test of emotional endurance: Can you can make it through the entire movie without reeling in horror or throwing yourself off a tall building? Find out now!

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