Huckabee: Is he insanely principled or principally insane?

I think the scariest thing about Mike Huckabee is that I don't always develop an impending feeling of doom when I read about him. It's freaking me out because I know I should be panicked by the prospect of him becoming the next president. I know that when I read stories from fawning media outlets exploring his boyish charm, unlikely success and rabid southern religious convictions, I should get that feeling in the pit of my stomach like the whole fucking world is about to collapse. Or maybe I just hate Rudy Giuliani so much that I can't fathom a worse candidate. But guess what: There is one.

Part of the problem is many people believe that if Huckabee weren't anti-abortion and anti-gay-marriage, he might be a pretty middle-of-the-road politician. One of those fabled statesmen who makes decisions based on his convictions, logical reasoning and, fuck it, maybe even what's best for the country. You know, the kind of lawmaker who doesn't really exist. Consider some of his political accomplishments:

* In 2005, Huckabee, then the governor of Arkansas, fought to kill state legislation that would have denied public benefits to illegal immigrants. Huckabee cited his Christian values (some nonsense about loving your fellow man), saying "I drink a different kind of Jesus juice."

* Also as governor, Huckabee supported various tax hikes on everything from cigarettes to gasoline. One tax increase generated over $400 million, which was used to build a massive conservation center, upgrade parks, and meet other environmental needs for the state.

* Introduced successful legislation in Arkansas that greatly expanded government health insurance for children. As a result, the percentage of uninsured kids dropped from 22 percent to 9 percent between 1997 and 2004. Similar legislation at the national level has been systematically destroyed by Republicans who can afford health care for their children.

* Raised in a blue-collar family. Fan of rock music.

What a stand-up guy, a real fucking savior of our disillusioned world, the dark horse riding neigh. Oops, but I almost forgot. Huckabee is not just insane, he's ludicrously insane. To wit, I give you a better sample of his political repertoire (from the absolutely essential Web site, OnTheIssues.org):

* Opposes tax funding for any organization that supports abortion.

* Anti-abortion (sanctity of life) but pro-death penalty ("It's a necessary part of our criminal justice system for those crimes for which there is no other alternative.")

* Opposes stem cell research.

* Opposes civil unions, gay marriage and adoption rights for gays.

* Has an erection for Wal-mart ("Wal-Mart is a case study in the genius of the American marketplace.")

* Supports the historically flawed "abstinence-only" sex education.

* Supports tax credits for religious-based schools.

* Equates the moral decline of society with banning prayer in schools.

* Believes setting moral standards outside of religion is flawed ("But if integrity and character are divorced from God, they don't make sense. If you try to set your own moral thermostat, chances are that a lot of people will be uncomfortable. Integrity, left to define itself, becomes evil because everyone ends up choosing his own standards.")

* Supports denying student visas to people from nations the U.S. considers to be supporters of terrorism.

* Believes George W. Bush has done "a magnificent job."

* Supports Internet sales tax.

* Supports attacking Iran even without consent of Congress.

Most of Huckabee's appeal stems from his ability to project this sense that all his beliefs are based on core values. He can do this because, until now, he had nothing to lose. Nobody was really expecting him to get very far in the presidential race, and as a result he was able to ignore the political pitfalls that accompany saying insane shit to the public. Conversely, Giuliani must maintain a toned-down rhetoric, mostly because he's got this false image to protect and moderates to woo. He doesn't want to show his true colors.

But Huckabee is living his own reality. He's extremely religious, which is the basis for everything he believes in, and he's not afraid to admit it. It empowers him, and people like that he can be painfully candid. He doesn't change his mind a whole lot, and he's genuine. The voting public clamps onto that ideal like flies to cow dung because voters are mostly incapable of smelling bullshit.

At any rate, he won't be getting my vote. But it's a testament to his abilities at charm when I say that I kind of feel bad saying he's a bit out of his mind.