Cheney the irrelevant

I was beginning to enjoy my life as an American again, when suddenly I was reminded that this country twice elected a criminal mastermind. And then my day really started to suck.

This troubling nugget of history roared back into my consciousness when the madman himself managed to con his way onto Sunday's TV circuit and try to scare the pants off us, just like he did when he was our fearless leader. But for all of Dick Cheney's masterful efforts at controlling his emotions while whining hysterically about our intrusive Constitution, I couldn't help but sense an overt fear in his own rhetoric. A sort of thinly veiled desperation.

And I know why.

It's simple: The only way history will justify the actions of the Bush administration is if Obama fails to prevent another attack on America. Just picture how awful Bush/Cheney will look if Obama succeeds in ending the wars AND preventing an attack AND repealing all of the sinister, Constitution-violating "reforms" of the Bush administration. I think we'll all reach the same conclusion: All those "reforms" -- the torture, rendition, spying, violations of civil liberties -- were a bullshit power grab that didn't necessarily protect us from anything. In this sense, Cheney is secretly praying for an attack while feigning all this concern for America. What a dick.

So, yeah, Cheney is kind of freaking out. Imagine an America where people can enjoy safety from terrorism while retaining their civil liberties (and that even goes for alleged terrorists, who deserve due process just like any other accused criminal). An America like that is a threat to Cheney and his fascist, big-government ideals.

After watching the Cheney spectacle and reaching these conclusions, I felt a lot better. Cheney isn't doing anything more than trying to sell his legacy to an increasingly skeptical public. After all, who wants to die knowing he or she was arguably the worst thing that ever happened to America?