Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Confirmed: McCain is definitely a white guy

John McCain, the shameless panderer and opportunist, is probably too old to remember that he even did this, but I'll bring it up anyway as a matter of principle. Most people with a passing interest in politics won't read much into it, but for a paranoid, rabid anti-politician such as myself, it speaks volumes.

As we are all aware, McCain has been circling the country, heaping criticism on his rival, Barack Obama, about everything from his youth to his lack of national security experience to the fact that Obama's wife isn't an insane ex-USC cheerleader who dines on the tears of starving children (or, in McCain's own words, a "cunt.")

Although bashing your opponent by using clever language and non-answers -- when asked whether he thought Obama was patriotic, McCain responded by saying he is a "great success story" -- the real test of integrity lies with how you react within an audience that may be skeptical of your message. Do you press on with your view that your opponent is a hopeless kid? Or do you try to win them over by faking respect?

We found out on Wednesday, when McCain found himself speaking before the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. While you'd expect McCain, like at any campaign rally, to eviscerate his opponent and highlight the vast differences in policies, McCain sounded more like he was stumping for Obama:

* "Don't tell him I said this, but he's an impressive fellow in many ways," McCain said to applause from the crowd. "His success should make Americans, all Americans, proud. Of course, I would prefer his success not to continue quite as long as he hopes," he quipped.

* "My opponent and I have honest differences as well about the growth of government. And it may be that many of you share his view. But even allowing for disagreement, surely there is common ground in the principle that government cannot go on forever spending recklessly and incurring debt," he said.

Huh! These fawning quotes are coming from the same man who said, regarding Obama, that it was "clear who Hamas wants to be the next president"? And this sudden switch not because he's always been an even-keeled campaigner (he isn't) but because he suddenly found himself before an audience of black people?

Taking a page from fear-mongering Republicans, I would ask this: If McCain crumples under the pressure of people who disagree with him, or don't share his skin color, how will he respond WHEN THE TERRORISTS ATTACK AHHHH WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!

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