Don't read this if you're still happy (or, I drank what?)

After enjoying the prolonged afterglow of GOP suffering and other election bliss, I feel as though I'm slowly waking from a two-week bender, hazy and stinky, and desperately trying to remember how much I had to drink and why I'm wearing this fire helmet.

My conclusion: I wish I would have kept on drinking.

I hate to sound defeatist here, but for all the joy and relief that accompanied the victory of our first black president and the ouster of a disastrous Bush-era brand of Republicanism, I must sadly face the inevitable: This world still sucks.

(pause for crucifiction)

Seriously, has anybody been watching the news lately? The fucking Mormons -- who, by the way, didn't allow black people into their priesthood until the late 1970s and many who freely practice polygamy -- joined together to pass a measure that bans same-sex couples from entering into the same government-supported legal contracts as heterosexual couples (or marriage, if you want to get technical about it). Then, hilariously, when the gay community revolted against the church's efforts to discriminate against them, the Mormons whined about religious persecution. And the wheels turn, turn, turn.

Oh, and you should probably know that Barack Obama's election didn't magically purge this nation of insane religious zealots or gun-toting, conspiracy-minded, racist conservatives with third-grade educations. I know, I was disappointed, too. One indication: gun sales skyrocketed the day after the election, mostly because the National Rifle Association convinced gun owners that Obama was personally going to show up at their trailers and seize their God-given weapons.

The first thought that came to my mind: Jesus, these people have guns? Clearly they are slightly unhinged if they actually believe the president is going to single-handedly overturn more than 200 years of gun rights. Do they not understand the structure of U.S. government? The president can't exactly sign a fucking executive order that bans guns. It takes, like, legislation, Congress and, what the hell, I bet the Supreme Court would even be involved.

Anyway, my point is that America may have changed in the sense that half the country hated Republicans enough to elect Democrats this year, but it would be a grave mistake to believe our nation has undergone some fundamental transformation. I can hope for the future, maybe, but as long as I'm living in the present, I'll go ahead and continue to acknowledge that we belong to a society dominated by bullshitters and idiots. I just hope Obama can make it a little more tolerable.