Joe the Fraud

Barack Obama has consistently talked about realistic solutions to real problems, and the best answer McCain can muster is a classic American redneck fraud named Joe. Seriously, "Joe" has lied through his teeth from the moment he was ejaculated into the national media spotlight after whining that his fake plumbing business would be taxed too heavily under Obama. Since then, with the help of a merciless media machine with no stomach for bullshit, we've learned:

1. Joe the Plumber is not actually named Joe. His name is Sam. Using "Joe" was just another failed attempt by McCain to be a pandering, populist dipshit like Sarah Palin.

2. We think his last name is "Worzelbacher," but we can't be sure because it appears his name is spelled incorrectly on his voter registration card. Might be government error, or he could just be that stupid. We'll never know.

3. "Joe" is probably breaking the law by being a "plumber" in the first place, considering the fact that he doesn't have a fucking plumbing license in his county of residence. Oh, and neither does his boss, who owns the company. It's unfortunate, really, because McCain could definitely use a licensed plumber to take care of his bullshit problem.

4. "Joe the Poor Math Student" confronted Obama at a rally because he was concerned that the Democrat's tax plan would end in higher levies if Joe decided to start his own illegal plumbing business. But many analysts say his concern is unfounded, and he'd actually be eligible for a tax cut if the gross business receipts hit $250,000 (as Joe himself said they would). The New York Times did a nice graphic about it here.

5. It's funny that Joe is so worried about paying more taxes, seeing as he hasn't paid any taxes in the past. He currently has an outstanding personal tax lien on his name for more than $1,000. Hey asshole, how about paying your fucking taxes like the rest of us before you gripe about anybody's tax plan? You've got egg on your face, or maybe horseshit, I can't tell.

So to recap, McCain's symbol of the tortured American worker is an illegal plumber he calls Joe, but who isn't actually named Joe, who claims to be afraid of paying more taxes under Obama but doesn't actually pay his taxes. If McCain worked for Bush, he'd be nicknamed McCainy, and Bush would say: "Helluva job, McCainy!" Grand slam.

Joe sets an interesting example for the rest of us. Specifically: We can lie, too! In fact, based on my early calculations, John McCain's tax plan will rape grandmothers and murder kittens. I'll be expecting the news vans any second.

Sources:

Toledo Blade
Daily Kos
MSNBC
NYT