Monday, April 28, 2008

Magazine exploits young lust, hilarity (sort of) ensues

I don't cackle with glee as much as when a supposedly wholesome celebrity who has built her media empire on the pillars of her virginity is shamed by scandalous photos circulating the dirty depths of the Internet. From my comfortable chair here in the middle of nowhere, I can almost hear the distant cries of terror from those millions of adoring fans who thought the subject of their latest worship was incapable of expressing any sort of sexuality. Then I hear the shrill screams from the parents who thought they could forever shield their youngsters from the naughty midriff of reality, and my life is complete.

What I find slightly disturbing, however, is when a legitimate magazine cover features scandalous photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus, who has accomplished as much for advancing the quality of artistic expression in this country as a monkey throwing shit at a musical instrument. Regardless, an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair shows the excruciatingly young-looking girl in a way that I find morbidly pedophelic, holding a loose satin sheet over herself and throwing a haggard smirk at the camera like she just got done with a three-way. I'm sure it will please the sexual predator block of the local penitentiary, but as for me I could do without leering at the bare, bony back of a girl who can't legally smoke, drink, vote Republican or kill people in foreign countries.

As hilarious as it may be on its face that a rising star of awful, soulless music will probably face a mass exodus of her fan base, I still find the whole thing rather creepy. What I fail to understand is how her own father, who was present during the photo shoot and was able to sign off on the digital pictures, didn't see a problem with broadcasting his 15-year-old daughter half-nude for the world to see. Is this the part of her life where she turns into the "bad girl" and goes batshit crazy? Will she start mowing people over with her luxury BMW and shaving her head? At what point will this girl be allowed to have a childhood?

It's a wonderful example for all the American kids out there: In this great country of ours, even YOU can be exploited in every way possible, make a billion dollars for screeching out bubble-gum bullshit, and appear half-nude on the cover of prestigious media-whore magazines before you can even drive a car.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your commentary on the Miley Cyrus debacle is laugh out lout funny and wonderfully descriptive. Thanks for making my Tuesday night a lot more interesting. Write on!