Fuzzy English

If Bush weren't so stupid, you'd think he might be presidential material, what with that classic American brow and boyish grin. Wait, he is president. What the fuck?

Never the stranger to embarrassing himself on the world stage, Mr. Bush took great strides last Friday in demonstrating the historic and fantastic truth about American democracy: In this country, ANYBODY can be president! :D

(Note: The following story shouldonly be read while listening to George Harrison's "Isn't it a pity." Seriously.)

From Yahoo News:

SYDNEY, Australia - President Bush had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day at the Sydney Opera House.

He'd only reached the third sentence of Friday's speech to business leaders, on the sidelines of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation forum, when he committed his first gaffe.

"Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit," Bush said to Australian Prime Minister John Howard.Oops. That would be APEC, the annual meeting of leaders from 21 Pacific Rim nations, not OPEC, the cartel of 12 major oil producers.
Bush quickly corrected himself. "APEC summit," he said forcefully, joking that Howard had invited him to the OPEC summit next year (for the record, an impossibility, since neither Australia nor the U.S. are OPEC members).

Yikes. But that's OK, right? OPEC.. APEC. They sound the same. Easy mistake, even for somebody who has spent the past several years giving speeches. It could happen to anyone. And forgetting that your oil-dependent nation isn't actually a member of OPEC? Well, with the hunt for Osama on his mind, I'm sure it's forgivable. But...

The president's next goof went uncorrected — by him anyway. Talking about Howard's visit to Iraq last year to thank his country's soldiers serving there, Bush called them "Austrian troops."

That one was fixed for him. Though tapes of the speech clearly show Bush saying "Austrian," the official text released by the White House switched it to "Australian."

What do you think went through Bush's head? "Oh shit, I just said the Australian troops getting slaughtered in Iraq were Austrian. Ohhh, look at the pretty lights!"

Fuck, get Rove on the phone. We need another geography lesson! Just remember, Mr. President, Austria gave us Mozart, Freud, Nietzsche and Schwarzenegger. Australia gave us...Nicole Kidman. And Kylie Minogue. And Outback Steakhouse.

Ohhh, pretty lights!

Um... anyway. The end of the speech is pretty much par for the course, although pundits are reportedly still considering whether Bush fucked up his exit by accident or simply thought he might as well put a nice cherry on top of this perfectly orchestrated public catastrophe:

Then, speech done, Bush confidently headed out — the wrong way.

He strode away from the lectern on a path that would have sent him over a steep drop. Howard and others redirected the president to center stage, where there were steps leading down to the floor of the theater.

Pop quiz: What's more embarrassing than presiding over the worst security failure in American history? Answer: Having a group of world leaders show you the proper way to exit a stage.

Meanwhile, after being denied into the venue by APEC security workers worried that the president would get laughed to death, the noble journalists of the White House press corps passed the time outside — "shooting pictures and watching boats in the harbor."

Depressing.